(Note from Pastor Jeeva: This is an excerpt from Darren Canning’s book Fire Script. As I read this riveting account of Pastor Darren’s attempted suicide, I was deeply moved by his mother Judy’s faith…I know you will be too!)

“Finally one night I called my mother, who was living in St. John’s, Newfoundland. I started to cry as I told her that my life was at an end and the only alternative I saw was to kill myself.

I was very serious with her. I told her that I was calling her to say goodbye and for her to forgive me and try to understand why I was making the decision that I was making.

My mother tells the story that when she heard this, she saw two alternatives: one was that she could call the police and try to have them get there before I died. Or she could turn to God and ask Him to deliver me.

She said the second alternative hit her spirit so hard. She began to dance and sing to the Lord: “As for me and my house we will serve the Lord.”

My mom is a radical believer in God. She had many dreams and visions from the Lord confirming that He had a plan for her life, for her children’s lives and for her grandchildren’s lives.

As she danced that night, I believe God heard her prayer. What occurred next was the answer to her prayers.

I had thought of many ways to end it, but the one that had concluded upon was to hang myself within my closet. I found some old wired cable that is used for cable TV. I found a strong beam within the closet that I wrapped the cord around. I tested to see if it would hold my weight…

I got down on my knees, put the cord around my neck and started to lean forward. I remember starting to black out and I could see stars.

But in that dark place, I heard God’s most glorious voice speak to me on the inside. He said: “What are you doing? I have a plan for your life.”

Now let me emphasize something to you for a moment. I didn’t believe in God. I was an atheist/agnostic who didn’t believe in a loving God, but here was this voice speaking to me with the greatest of compassion.

This confused me, but I was resolved to die, so I started to lean forward on the cord again. I started to black out again and the same voice spoke saying, “What are you doing? I have a plan for your life.”

In this last moment of my life when I had completely given up on God, He chose to speak to me.”

We praise God for your life and your example, Judy Hodge-Collins. You are one radical mama!

(To read the rest of Pastor Darren’s incredible life story, please pick up a copy of Fire Script here)