(Note from Pastor Jeeva: This is an excerpt from Darren Canning’s book Fire Script. As I read this riveting account of Pastor Darren’s attempted suicide, I was deeply moved by his mother Judy’s faith…I know you will be too!)

“Finally one night I called my mother, who was living in St. John’s, Newfoundland. I started to cry as I told her that my life was at an end and the only alternative I saw was to kill myself.

I was very serious with her. I told her that I was calling her to say goodbye and for her to forgive me and try to understand why I was making the decision that I was making.

My mother tells the story that when she heard this, she saw two alternatives: one was that she could call the police and try to have them get there before I died. Or she could turn to God and ask Him to deliver me.

She said the second alternative hit her spirit so hard. She began to dance and sing to the Lord: “As for me and my house we will serve the Lord.”

My mom is a radical believer in God. She had many dreams and visions from the Lord confirming that He had a plan for her life, for her children’s lives and for her grandchildren’s lives.

As she danced that night, I believe God heard her prayer. What occurred next was the answer to her prayers.

I had thought of many ways to end it, but the one that had concluded upon was to hang myself within my closet. I found some old wired cable that is used for cable TV. I found a strong beam within the closet that I wrapped the cord around. I tested to see if it would hold my weight…

I got down on my knees, put the cord around my neck and started to lean forward. I remember starting to black out and I could see stars.

But in that dark place, I heard God’s most glorious voice speak to me on the inside. He said: “What are you doing? I have a plan for your life.”

Now let me emphasize something to you for a moment. I didn’t believe in God. I was an atheist/agnostic who didn’t believe in a loving God, but here was this voice speaking to me with the greatest of compassion.

This confused me, but I was resolved to die, so I started to lean forward on the cord again. I started to black out again and the same voice spoke saying, “What are you doing? I have a plan for your life.”

In this last moment of my life when I had completely given up on God, He chose to speak to me.”

We praise God for your life and your example, Judy Hodge-Collins. You are one radical mama!

(To read the rest of Pastor Darren’s incredible life story, please pick up a copy of Fire Script here)

“How do I get comfortable with the idea of leaving my baby with sitters — family members as well as qualified strangers? I’m okay when she’s with my husband; anyone else and I’m a wreck. This isn’t great for my peace of mind, plus I’m sure it’s VERY annoying for the sitters, as I’m calling home practically every half-hour to make sure the baby is still breathing.”

This question, asked by a new mother on an online forum, brought back memories of the day when Leone Simington, our neighbour in Kincaid, Saskatchewan, offered to look after Priya, our firstborn, so Sulojana and I could enjoy chicken wings in nearby Meyronne.

We were horrified at the thought of leaving our little bundle of joy with her, even though she was a certified practising grandma! Off we went, baby in tow.

Several years down the road, when Sulojana would drop Sathiya off at Play School, he would cry and cry. Then he would stand between the blinds and the window and continue crying as she drove off.

It was tough not to let his separation anxiety affect her.

(Later on, we would learn that as soon as Sulojana left, he would stop crying and start participating in the activities of the day…the stinker!)

A few years later, Sulojana and I were at a Conference in Orlando, Florida, when we received word that Jaya had to be hospitalized for an attack of the rota virus. Do we get on a plane and fly right back?

“No” said the attending doctor. “He’ll be fine. Just enjoy the rest of your time there.”

It wasn’t easy to stay on for three more days, but we did…and he was indeed fine.

Over the years, we have met many mothers who have had great difficulty letting their children out of their reach. Some, being gripped by fear of what could happen in their absence, turned out to be overbearing moms who ended up creating emotional problems for themselves and their children.

The Bible records how Samuel’s mother Hannah fulfilled a vow she had made before his birth by leaving him with Eli at the temple. Scholars suggest that he was no more than three when this separation took place.

How were you able to do this, Hannah? Here is her answer:

“I have dedicated him to God. He’s dedicated to God for life.” (I Samuel 1:28)

In Hannah’s words lies the key to overcoming separating anxiety. She simply surrenders her son to God’s purposes for his life. Now she can be at peace.

Sharon Wetzel, a DWOD subscriber, talks about how one of her sons once left home under stressful circumstances. No one had any idea where he was.

While his siblings tried frantically to find him, she simply prayed: “God, he is yours.”

That simple prayer of surrender helped her stay calm until he came home.

Just a few short years ago, Priya ran into a very stressful situation while teaching English in South Korea. I was contemplating the possibility flying there to get her out of the country.

The Lord told us to simply declare Psalm 91over her. That would be our act of surrender.

Sure enough, her circumstances changed. She would go on to spend another four years there before coming home for good earlier this week.

Yes, separation anxiety is a battle that all mothers face, but it is not limited to mothers, amen?

No matter what it is, we too would do well to follow Hannah’s example and simply turn our “babies” over to God. Amen?

“If that were my wife, sir, I would have her in surgery right now and get that baby out of there as soon as possible.”

Those chilling words were followed by a flurry of frenetic activity. The on-call surgeon was paged. Nurses were summoned from their coffee break. Permission forms signed.

The anxious young mother was wheeled into the operating room with her nervous husband in tow.

It was a totally unexpected turn of events for the couple who had come in twelve hours earlier when her contractions were too close for comfort.

The labour had been proceeding quite smoothly until the intern decided she would speed up the process by breaking the water before heading home from the very last shift of her internship.

Everything started to go downhill from that point. The dilated cervix started to contract. The labour started to slow down.

Thankfully, since she had been a gestational diabetic, the mother was wearing a monitor. Nurses had offered her the option of having it removed after the first few hours. She had politely declined.

It turned out to be a divinely inspired decision. Without the monitor, no one would have noticed that the baby’s heart beat had been dropping steadily.

As it slowed down to 30 beats per minute, the attending ObGyn looked the father of the child in the eye and uttered the aforementioned words.

Doctors were not sure what was responsible for the low heart beat. Best guess? The umbilical cord was wrapped around the baby’s neck.

Within a matter of minutes, the C-section was in full swing. The nervous father took the best course of action that he probably could under the circumstances. He prayed fervently. And waited impatiently.

Pretty soon, he was treated to the sight of a baby boy being extricated from the womb. When he heard the baby’s cry, he too sobbed as hot tears of joy spelled relief for his tense nerves.

The attending pediatrician who checked out the baby thought he looked a bit blue. The baby’s colour turned healthy shortly after the doctor held an oxygen mask under his nostrils for a few minutes. And all was well with the world.

Meanwhile the tired mother was resting comfortably under the influence of the anaesthetic, totally oblivious to all the commotion.

On this eve of Mother’s Day 2013, we celebrate every woman for whom child birth did not proceed the way it was depicted in the prenatal class videos.

We tip our hats to every mother who did not experience the joy of seeing her newborn at the moment of birth.

We bless every woman who underwent the pain of surgery and the discomfort of post-partum recovery so that her child would gain healthy entry into this world.

We salute every mother who still wears the scar of a C-section as a proud badge of honour.

We praise our Father in heaven for being there for the Sam family at the Regina General Hospital on May 11, 1990 as Sulojana took the perilous path to motherhood.

We thank Dr. Bastien for his forthrightness, Dr. Cardoso for his surgical prowess, Dr. Gunawardene for the pediatric assessment and the masked crew for their able assistance.

Happy 23rd birthday, Sathiya Sam! Happy Mother’s Day, Sulojana Sam!

Darren Canning has been ministering at Forks Road East United Church for the past two days. It’s been a Holy Ghost blast!

Yesterday morning, he and I went to a gathering of Revival Leaders at Lakemount Worship Centre in Grimsby. On our way back, we got caught in a horrendous traffic jam.

Sadly, the reason for the slowdown was a serious accident that resulted in the loss of two precious lives.

We wanted to get off the highway and take a faster side road to get to our house. But where do we get off?

I’m from the area. Darren’s not. So the lot fell on me to make the decision. I picked Exit 55, Jordan Road.

For a few minutes, it looked as though we had made the right choice…until we realized that a number of other drivers had the same idea! Welcome to Traffic Jam #2!

“Fear not, dear Darren, I know this area. I know another road we can take. It will be a slightly longer route, but it will be a lot faster.”

Sure enough, we sped through the virtually empty street for a few minutes, but soon had to contend with another convoy of cars that had taken the same route and were now responsible for creating Traffic Jam #3.

I must admit that I was very impressed by Darren’s attitude through all this meandering madness my misguided directions.

He was very calm, even though Mother Nature kept calling and he was doing his utmost to give her a busy signal.

Finally, we, correction, Darren made the decision not to take any more detours. We would simply stick it out on the route we were taking right now, no matter how long it took us to get home.

We finally made it home nearly two hours after leaving Grimsby—a drive which under normal circumstances would have taken no more than 25 minutes.

At last night’s meeting, Darren recalled this incident with the dramatic flair of a raconteur extraordinaire, and then remarked:

“The quickest way through a traffic jam is to stay in it.”

As he pointed out, the real issue was not external–whether we could find a fast alternate route or not.

The critical factor was actually internal—whether we would have the peace inside of us to stick to Traffic Jam Numero Uno and eventually make it back home.

As mentioned earlier, Darren clearly had such peace inside. That is why he did not get rattled by the delay or the detours.

It reminded me of Jesus sleeping in the boat while the storm was tossing the boat and wreaking havoc. The disciples come to him and say: “Teacher, do You not care that we are perishing?”

Jesus’ response is to simply get up, rebuke the wind and command the sea: “Peace! Be still!”

The reason he could sleep through the storm was because he had a deep abiding peace inside of him. All he had to do was release that peace to the sea. Calm restored. Case closed!

How would you handle an unexpected slowdown on your road to your destiny? Would you focus on the external and chase the fastest side routes?

Or would your internal peace help you to keep going, knowing that the quickest way through a traffic jam is to stay in it?.  

For a very long time in my life, I did not really see a need for signs, wonders and miracles. After all, giving your life to Jesus and continuing to trust God was all that really mattered! At least, that was my reasoning.

Yes, it was nice to see some miracles once in a while… no problem there! But, I did not expect them to happen on a regular basis.

All of that changed in a 3 month stretch between November 2005 and January 2006, beginning with a pastors’ meeting in Burlington where I met Steve Long, Senior Pastor of the Toronto Airport Christian Fellowship (now Catch the Fire Toronto).

Pastor Steve showed us from Scriptures how Jesus lived his life on earth exactly as we do, in every way a complete human being. He gave up “equality with God” (Philippians 2:5-8), stayed in intimate communion with the Father and relied totally on the Holy Spirit—just as we do.

He went on to say that if we live the way Jesus did, then we too MUST expect signs, wonders and miracles to happen in our lives. Wow! That was quite a revelation for me!

While I was still trying to process all of this, we started praying for one another. Right in front of my eyes, a pastor’s wife was healed of horrific back pain which had kept her captive for many years.

I began to realize the truth of what the apostle Peter said in Acts 10:38 about “how God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and power, and how He went around doing good and healing all who were under the power of the devil, because God was with Him.”

Two months later, at a Pastors and Leaders Conference in Toronto I witnessed many more signs, wonders and miracles. Verses that I had glossed over before had new meaning for me now:
“These signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons…they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well.” (Mark 16:17-18)

I also began to realize now why Jesus did not simply encourage his disciples to preach, but also to demonstrate the kingdom. “Proclaim this message: ‘The kingdom of heaven has come near.’ Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons.” (Matthew 10:7-8)

I was reminded of verses like this: “Then the disciples went out and preached everywhere, and the Lord worked with them and confirmed His word by the signs that accompanied it.” (Mark 16:20)

Friends, the first and foremost reason we need to see signs, wonders and miracles is that by daring to step out in this arena, we are being obedient to our Lord and giving Him a chance to prove that His promises are true!

Isn’t that what happened to the apostles? “The Lord…confirmed the message of His grace by enabling them to do miraculous signs and wonders.” (Acts 14:3)

That is exactly what happened when I came back from the Conference and started to expect signs, wonders and miracles to happen in our church.

A dear sister who had been living with acid reflux for 38 years, yes, 38 years, was healed instantly the first time I ever stepped out in faith…praise God!

Since then, I have been privileged to see the Lord fulfill His promise by relieving hundreds of people from all sorts of pain and healing them of every imaginable condition, even HIV/AIDS!

Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever. (Hebrews 13:8).

As you continue to expect signs, wonders and miracles, you too will experience the faithfulness of the Lord over and over again. Will you?

He brought me out into a broad place; he rescued me, because he delighted in me. (2 Samuel 22:20)

Annoying would be a mild word to describe what I have been experiencing over the past few days of driving from home in St. Catharines to Wainfleet, where the churches I pastor are located.

Highway 406, the road which takes me more than half way toward my destination has been under construction lately.

At a certain point, two lanes are reduced to one. Depending on what time of day one is driving, this could translate into a short slowdown or a lengthy delay.

Either way it is an inconvenience. And it is not going to go away anytime soon.

You see, Hwy 406 was two lanes only up to a certain point. Now crews are working away to widen it to two lanes all the way.

So, we know that when all the work is completed, it will make the trip a lot faster than it is right now.

But, for now, we have no choice but to put up with the delays.

The highway of life on which we travel often takes us through these times of narrowing lanes, doesn’t it?

The narrowing could be a restriction brought about by changes in our health, work, business, finances, relationship, family, church, faith…(please feel free to add to the list!).

It puts a dent in our plans. We are delayed unexpectedly. And it can be very frustrating.

The enemy of our souls makes us feel as though we were hemmed in and slowed down forever.

Ministers such as Darren Canning and I who minister prophetically are often asked questions such as these by those who seek ministry:

“Why am I not advancing into my destiny as fast as I should? Why have the promises God made not come to pass yet? What is the reason for the delay?”

Of course, there is no pat answer to any of these questions. Sometimes the Lord tells us something. Sometimes He is silent.

In my own life though, I can think of several times when the highway narrowed from two lanes to one. It was as though I could not make progress even if I wanted to, because someone else was dictating how fast I could go. I could not simply speed by as I would had there been an extra lane.

Looking back, I now realize that there was a reason God wanted me to slow down, to get a more narrow focus on life, to put up with the extra stress.

He had to prepare me for the next phase which took me to life in two or more lanes once again.

But before He could take me to a “broad place”, He had to make me go through a “narrow space.”

He wanted me to learn what it means to depend more on Him for provision. He needed me to make more time to draw closer to Him and feel His heartbeat. He forced me to work on strengthening our marriage.

When David says in Psalm 23: “He makes me lie down in green pastures”, I am struck by the expression “makes me lie down.” It is as though David were saying that voluntarily we would not lie down and rest, so the Good Shepherd makes us lie down!

Can you relate? Perhaps you too are finding yourself impatiently enduring life in the lone lane…involuntarily!

Take heart!

God’s desire is to take you to a broad place. You may simply be experiencing the narrowing before the broadening.